Most parents can recall their worries and fears when their child experienced a temperature spike for the first time. As a first time parent I remember bringing my child of just 18 weeks to the doctor with the following symptom – He is just not right, his form is very off.
The response from my doctor has stayed with me ever since. It was along the lines of: “you are his mother, and yes it may be just first babyitis but it is always worth getting things checked out just in case”. It turned out that my son’s sinuses were clogging up but there was no infection. Having said that he was probably feeling quite uncomfortable. It was the pre-cursor to a series of sinus problems which he experienced with every new tooth.
Many years later as a 12 year old he got a pain in his stomach and again my doctors reaction was that I would not have bought him in except that my fear was real. He went to hospital that night with suspected appendicitis. It was a false alarm but he did end up with a 3 day stay in hospital until he became pain free. They put it down to a virus.
As parents we learn to recognise when our children are off form, when they are dealing with colds, flus, tummy bugs and other common childhood illnesses. As our children get older we take these things in our stride and just deal with them.
On the other hand many parents experience worries and fears that are related to their child not achieving, or being slow to achieve developmental milestones. When our child is slow to respond to sound, slow to talk, slow to sit up, crawl, walk etc., we can very quickly become fearful that our child is facing a serious set of challenges. As our worries and fears take over, we may find ourselves constantly comparing our child to others.
There is no denying that the developmental norms that we read about in the literature have a huge spread. In other words children do differ at the rate at which they reach each milestone and there is no reassurance to be found in comparing your child who may be at the later stage in the spectrum and another child who developed at the opposite end of the spectrum.
However, when it comes to developmental, behavioural or emotional issues, if there is a real problem, then the earlier at which we identify the issue and put actions in place to support the child, then the better the outcome for the child.
And so if you find yourself worrying and becoming anxious then you really have some choices to make.
You can do nothing, stay in a state of anxiety and let time eventually demonstrate whether or not you have a real problem.
You can get your child properly assessed and learn that you do not have a problem and so then you can relax sure in the knowledge that you are doing the best for your child and enjoy your child’s more leisurely pace of development.
You can get your child properly assessed, discover that you in fact have an issue and know that your early interventions will support the best possible outcome for your child.
Mary Corbett is the co-founder of Parenting Club, professional coach and psychologist based in Cork, Ireland
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