“Mom, where are my football socks?”
This is what greeted me this morning, with two minutes to go before we left for school. It is a question with which many parents are familiar. From my daughter’s perspective, I was somehow meant to magically know the answer and solve.
I had a number of possible responses, and here are the ones that raced through my head as she came running down the stairs to me;
“I don’t know” (painfully pedantic response to the question asked and accurate)
“I’ll look for them for you” (the jump in and fix the problem I can sort these things quicker myself)
“Who is responsible for your socks?” (emotionally loaded why are you asking me it is your responsibility)
“What do you mean you didn’t get them sorted last night – how many times do I have to tell you to get ready the night before? (the getting mad option while pointing out the painfully obvious)
The response I gave was a painfully calm “I haven’t seen them”
My daughter who is 12 responded with “I know I should have got them last night, I’m sorry but will you check Luke’s (her brother) room in case they got mixed up”
We did not find her socks and she has to wear non-club socks for her match this evening.
The dynamics of the conversation with my daughter and the potential for her to learn through the process was rich in possibilities. I had lots of choices that I could make as a parent but as my children have gotten older I have learned that they learn more when I stay calm and let them recognise for themselves what needs to happen.
As we drove to school without the socks, I asked her if she understood why I was cross (if very quiet). She did and she knows that I will not jump in and sort the problem when it is something that she is quite capable of looking after for herself.
Having said that, did I come home and wonder where those socks were and give serious consideration to tearing the house apart to find them? Yes, but I didn’t instead I made a cup of tea and got down to work. I know that not jumping in is best in the long term for my daughter and so I just let if be.
As parents we all need to be mindful of the longer term impact of our actions and the potential to be still looking for their socks when they are in the 20’s!
Mary Corbett is a founder of ParentingClub2014, Mum of 2, and Life and Business coach www.marycorbettcoaching.com with a passionate belief in people
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