Do You Worry?

Are you a worrier? Do you find yourself worrying about your children and what the future holds for them? Do you find yourself worrying about the economy? Your mortgage? Getting older? Your health?

As a brand new mum, all those years ago, I found myself worrying was I going to be a good mum, was I doing things right etc. I asked an older woman, a grandmother, “When will I stop worrying?” Her response was welcome to the world of motherhood you will never stop worrying and with a laugh she added that I would get used to it

Well as the years have gone by, I have grown in confidence in my ability to be a mother and I have learned a lot about worrying.

Most of us have times when we worry. We will worry about whether we will still have a job, we will worry about whether our business will survive, we will worry about having enough money to pay our bills? When we worry we can lose sleep, not eat, over eat, drink too much, and generally feel under pressure. But what good will it do? The answer is – Not a lot!

Worrying by itself will not change our situation. Indeed it can make it more challenging for us to come up with plans and strategies to make things better. Each of us as an individual needs our own personal plan to make our personal situation as good as it can be.   To do this most effectively we need to get out heads into a place where we are calm, clear and focused and not bogged down in worrying about what might happen.

One of the most effective ways that I have found over the years is put my head in a good place to create a plan is to take time to stop, forget about everything and go out and have some fun. All the better if this fun is achieved engaging with others and getting outdoors and being active.   So when is the last time you

Got tickled?

Ran up a hill just because it was there?

Made a sand castle?

Painted a picture?

Played chase /hide and seek?

These things are far too much fun to be left to children. When we take time as adults to find our own inner child and go and have some fun we do something that is really good for our mental health and well-being.   We give ourselves the opportunity to recognise what is really important to us, to feel good about ourselves and to put things into perspective.  This is especially true if it involves lots of laughter.

With a clear head we are better able to look at our current situation. With a clear head we are better able to identify the strategies that will work for us. With a clear head our plans will be more effective. How many of us have said to others when we see them getting bogged down “take a break”. The reality is that often we are much better at saying this to others, rather than applying it to ourselves. So if you are caught up with worrying, being stressed, and cannot see the wood from the trees, it is time to take a break and have some fun.

Make a list of all the fun things that you would love to do but haven’t done for a long time. What is actually stopping you?   Is it money? There is lots of fun stuff that you can do that does not cost money so that is not an excuse. Is it time? Even a half an hour of fun will be beneficial so take a half hour off, the world won’t actually fall apart. Is it guilt? Do you feel guilty about having fun when things are bad? Well it is for your mental health. It really will support you deal more effectively with your personal challenges if you take some mental time away from them.

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Mary Corbett is a founder member of  Parenting Club,  author, life and business coach and mother of 2 busy children aged 12 and 17.

Au pair to the rescue

By definition ‘Au pair‘ is an unmarried young adult aged 18 to 30 years, who has no children and travels to a foreign country for a defined period of time to live with a host family The au pair is considered as a full member of the family during the entire stay. As such, he or she helps the family with childcare and can be asked to assume some light housework. In return, the host family provides free board and lodging, as well as pocket money.

When I was in my early twenties I took a sabbatical from college and decided to become Au Pair. I spent a year in Boston, Ma.

I always loved kids and this was the cheapest and easiest way to go to see States and get some pocket money.

Looking back this year gave me so much experience, build a very strong friendship and defined me for future. I got a lovely host family with two little sweet kids (boy 2.5 years old and girl just over 3 months). Crazy enough it was a great preparation as my children are 15.5 months apart 🙂

I went with the agency who made sure everything is safe and legal. They organized J1 Visa. Within few months my trip was ready. I had my profile up, (back then everything was on paper, no online profiles) and host family contacted me and just after my college year was up I was planning to go on the plane.

My year passed very quickly. I had ups and downs with my host family. What I’ve noticed was that children were never an issue, the tension was (if there was any) between my host parents and myself.

That’s why I created 5 guidlines for Au-pairs and host parents.

1. Know your abilities and expectations.

As an au-pair please have some experience, you are in charge of someone’s children. If you decided to take care of an infant know how to change a diaper, how to support the baby’s head etc. Be aware of what you can do and what you are comfortable with. Don’t be ashamed to ask for tips, help. Ask if your host family sponsor first aid course. (Mine sponsored CPR course for me).

As a host-parents tell your expectations upfront. Be clear what you want au pair to be doing. Hoovering and washing windows is not light housework. Usually au pair is supposed to clean after herself and the children. Au-pair is there to take care of your children, that’s her main job. (I was doing my own and kids laundry, the housekeeper cleaned entire house once a week, I cleaned after myself and kids only.)

2. Stick to the rules

As an au-pair if you have a curfew (due to being underage) respect it, remember that your host family is responsible for you in the same way as you are responsible for their children. You are on the job, so you can’t be too tired, sleepy or hangover.

As a host-parents don’t overwork her. Au-pair can only work up to 45 hours, she is supposed to take time off and enjoy herself. If you want her to baby-sit in the evenings, have clear understanding how much she is getting per hour. She is there to take care of the kids but also to study and explore.

3. Be realistic.

Host parents are not your friends. They are your hosts and your employers. Be respectful and forgiving (every one makes a genuine mistake). Don’t expect respect if you are not respectful. Host parents are nice to you but they will pay attention to what you are doing, if you are crossing certain lines (eg: coming home drunk etc) consider the consequences of your behaviour (including termination of the contract and being sent home)

Au pair is not your child to discipline. She is here to help you in raising your kids. Don’t expect her to be Mary Poppins or a child psychologist who can deal with any child-related issue. Understand the circumstances she in (far away from home, maybe missing her friends), talk to her, she has entire culture and habits and she is happy to tell you about it. At the same time make sure she is respecting the rules you all set out and you know that your children are safe with her.

4. Listen

For this given year au pair will know your child better than you. (if you are not prepared for this please don’t have au-pair, hire a nanny for few hours a day instead). She will spend majority of your child’r day and she will know what your child knows. Dob’t be ashamed to take her kind advice on board, she really is trying hard to be helpful.

Host-parents are the real parents and they know their children best, however if you see that something is not working (eg: nap time, certain food types etc) you can suggest a new solution to them. Don’t be offended if they don’t change anything. As parents they may have a reason to do things in a given way.

5. Enjoy

You are in a new country, enjoy and explore. Meet new people, go around, this really can be the best year of your life. You have house and food taken care of, you have pocket money the world is your oyster.

Let her do her own thing, but also include her in your traditions. She really is missing her family and friends (especially over holiday period), make sure she feels included and wanted. Respect her needs and talk to her, she may tell you something really cool about her own country and traditions.

Have you ever had an au-pair? Have you considered option like this?

Aga Schnier is a founder of ParentingClub2014, Mother and Law of Attraction Master Practitioner which she currently uses to promote positive parenting techniques.