A life plan

Remember as kids we were dreaming to be just like our parents?!
Remember growing up and thinking that’s not the life I want to have?
Remember parents telling you what path to choose, which college degree to go for, to follow the PLAN?

We all heard of the plan. Some of us more then others, however we all have been told (at one point in our lives) what should we do with our life.

The Plan consists of graduating high school, choosing good college, getting a good degree (which helps us to get a good job, like being a lawyer, a doctor or an accountant etc), then marry, get a job, buy a house, have children and go to the same type of the job for the rest of our lives.

What happens when we don’t follow the plan?

Take me for example, I graduated University with my MA in English, my dream was to become a translator. I wanted to translate books, I could imagine myself sitting in front of the computer, with lots of dictionaries and just read and translate. The problem came up when I applied for a job after my graduation. I’ve heard I have no experience, but when I was in college I couldn’t get a job because I didn’t have my degree yet. So it was a bit of a close circle. So very quickly I decided that there is no point chasing the job which may not happen at all. I’ve decided to go to Ireland to be an Au-pair for few months (once again). I wanted to get away and clear my head and decide what should I do. Because of the host family situation I was encouraged to seek other form of employment. I ended up in a call-centre, started at the very bottom and work my way up to being a supervisor and a trainer. In the meantime I got my Post-Grad management diploma. Got married and when everyone in my family thought I am back on track with my plan. We decided to move to Malta. We had dream of starting our own business in a nice warm place. Some of our friends were supportive, however most of them thought that we were crazy. After 2 years we came back to Ireland with our first born, started our second business and completing our dreams and longings.

There is no person in our family who would actually understand why we decided to follow our dreams rather then the plan. We both saw our parents working so their children have better life, no having a life of their own and making a lot of sacrifices for their own offspring. Putting their dreams aside because you need to pay of mortgage and go on family vacation.

Don’t get me wrong if there is someone who is happy to follow the plan and put aside their dreams it is fine by me, However I believe people like us who don’t follow the plan should be encouraged to follow their dreams.

I’ve learned that we have our struggles, but working on something together, creating a business together, make our bond even stronger and because of that we have much more time for our kids and our children have happy, fulfilled parents. We are raising happy, positive children so one day they decide to chose direction which is good for them and not feeling pressured about following the plan. They way I see it, it is their lives and they need to experience the life to its fullest and as parents we can’t force them what to do and which direction to follow.

 

What is your opinion on the subject? Would you want your child to follow the PLAN?

 

Aga Schnier is a founder of ParentingClub2014, Mother and Law of Attraction Master Practitioner which she currently uses to promote positive parenting techniques.

 

 

Precious moments

It was my conscious decision to be a stay-at-home Mum. We were aware that money can be tight at times, however we wanted to spend the most essential years being around kids.

I am not judging other people decisions. This is simply my approach and experience.

When Chloe was born, she became my entire universe. I had to admit I was a mother hen. At the same time, I made sure my husband doesn’t feel abandoned. Since her birth he was the one bathing her, singing and reading to her. As most parents say our world has change completely. We had this tiny creature fully depended on us. At the same time, I was thinking that I don’t want to put he in any daycare, creche as I want to see every milestones, I want to know every bump and scar. No one knows my child as well as me. I know her character, what she likes and dislikes, her favourite toy at the time and what she really needs at given time.

When our son was born, I had to leave her for few days. As much as I was excited about our new bundle of joy I was also thinking about my almost 16 month old daughter without me. And guess what? She was perfectly happy with her Dad.

After coming home I treasured every moment with my 2 kids. At the same time I realised that it is ok, to leave them for few hours with their Dad and do something for myself.

I consider myself extremely lucky to have the best of both. Spending time with my children and having flexible working hours.

I am still responsible for their development, their knowledge. It is my decision what they watch, read, play with. I am more easy going now knowing that soon they will go out to the world. I am so much more confident that they will succeed in life, not because I am a stay-at-home Mum, but because I believe I am building their self-esteem by letting them be who they are. Yes, I do get tired, frustrated and annoyed, but we are learning to overcome those obstacles and we become more tolerant about each other needs.

Being at home with my kids helped me to realise what is really important and what I want for my family and for my kids. No matter what the future brings I know that I gave my children (in my opinion) the best of their early years…my undivided attention and the importance of being together.

P/S. The picture shows my family during our beach walk 🙂

 

Aga Schnier is a founder of ParentingClub2014, Mother and Law of Attraction Master Practitioner which she currently uses to promote positive parenting techniques.

College dilemma

This is the time of year when many 18 and 19 year olds decide what courses they want to take in college and fully get to grips with the work that is needed to achieve the results that will allow them to take those courses.  At the same time many parents sit on the side-line anxious that their young adult makes the right decision that will lead to a happy university experience and subsequent gainful employment.

In selecting a course for college there are many unknowns and there are no guarantees.   There is no certainty that they will love the course that they select or that the long term result will be a happy work-life.

So what do we know as parents?

·         We know that nobody sets out to make a bad decision.

·         We know that when we like and are interested in a subject we generally will work               harder at it.

·         We know that when we are motivated from within that we can sustain that motivation           over time.

·         We know that just because we are capable of doing something does not translate to           our actually wanting to do it.

The same is true for our children.

·         Just because they have the capability does not translate to their wanting to take a               particular course.

·         The sheer volume of courses available can be overwhelming.

·         If they struggle to make decisions in small things, they are more likely to struggle with           bigger decision like selecting a college course.

·         They may not fully appreciate the connection between their dream college course               and the work that is needed to get there.

In the meantime we as parents may sit and stress, and worry about what will happen to our child as they move into this adult world.  I have had various conversations with teenagers, parents and young adults and the following are the messages that have come through loud and clear.

The young adult must make the decision

Where parents insist on a particular course the downstream effects can be very negative  I am currently working with a client who is changing career direction after years of stress and negativity towards their parents because they were pushed into a course. This is not the first time and I doubt that it will be the last

It can take real courage as a parent to support your child to follow their dream

Our children’s dreams can be very different from ours, their interests can be very different from ours.  I am reminded of a dedication from a young Fine arts graduate, Rebecca on her thesis “thank you to my parents for allowing me to practice who I am”

Change is always possible

The world we live in is constantly changing and so our children’s ability to change direction and move with change can be truly positive.   Their education, is never a waste.

What you focus on will expand

As parents, we want our children to put the work in, so that they can achieve their goals.   If we focus and encourage the study as it is done then this is what will expand.  If, in our conversations we focus on time wasting, lack of effort etc then this is what will expand.

Stay calm

All these young adults have dreams and anxieties about what their future will bring.  These anxieties can find expression in many ways not all of which are pleasant.  And so in so far as it is practicable. They will benefit from feeding from our strength, and calmness

Stay Listening

We really benefit from keeping our eyes and ears open and recognising if they are not sleeping, eating, getting over anxious,  Although they see themselves as adults they still benefit from us adopting the parenting role if things are going a little pear shaped.

And finally as parents our job is nearly done – our young fledgling adults will find their place in the world.

Thank you for reading.

Mary Corbett is the co-founder of  Parenting Club,  professional coach and psychologist based in Cork, Ireland