By definition ‘Au pair‘ is an unmarried young adult aged 18 to 30 years, who has no children and travels to a foreign country for a defined period of time to live with a host family The au pair is considered as a full member of the family during the entire stay. As such, he or she helps the family with childcare and can be asked to assume some light housework. In return, the host family provides free board and lodging, as well as pocket money.
When I was in my early twenties I took a sabbatical from college and decided to become Au Pair. I spent a year in Boston, Ma.
I always loved kids and this was the cheapest and easiest way to go to see States and get some pocket money.
Looking back this year gave me so much experience, build a very strong friendship and defined me for future. I got a lovely host family with two little sweet kids (boy 2.5 years old and girl just over 3 months). Crazy enough it was a great preparation as my children are 15.5 months apart 🙂
I went with the agency who made sure everything is safe and legal. They organized J1 Visa. Within few months my trip was ready. I had my profile up, (back then everything was on paper, no online profiles) and host family contacted me and just after my college year was up I was planning to go on the plane.
My year passed very quickly. I had ups and downs with my host family. What I’ve noticed was that children were never an issue, the tension was (if there was any) between my host parents and myself.
That’s why I created 5 guidlines for Au-pairs and host parents.
1. Know your abilities and expectations.
As an au-pair please have some experience, you are in charge of someone’s children. If you decided to take care of an infant know how to change a diaper, how to support the baby’s head etc. Be aware of what you can do and what you are comfortable with. Don’t be ashamed to ask for tips, help. Ask if your host family sponsor first aid course. (Mine sponsored CPR course for me).
As a host-parents tell your expectations upfront. Be clear what you want au pair to be doing. Hoovering and washing windows is not light housework. Usually au pair is supposed to clean after herself and the children. Au-pair is there to take care of your children, that’s her main job. (I was doing my own and kids laundry, the housekeeper cleaned entire house once a week, I cleaned after myself and kids only.)
2. Stick to the rules
As an au-pair if you have a curfew (due to being underage) respect it, remember that your host family is responsible for you in the same way as you are responsible for their children. You are on the job, so you can’t be too tired, sleepy or hangover.
As a host-parents don’t overwork her. Au-pair can only work up to 45 hours, she is supposed to take time off and enjoy herself. If you want her to baby-sit in the evenings, have clear understanding how much she is getting per hour. She is there to take care of the kids but also to study and explore.
3. Be realistic.
Host parents are not your friends. They are your hosts and your employers. Be respectful and forgiving (every one makes a genuine mistake). Don’t expect respect if you are not respectful. Host parents are nice to you but they will pay attention to what you are doing, if you are crossing certain lines (eg: coming home drunk etc) consider the consequences of your behaviour (including termination of the contract and being sent home)
Au pair is not your child to discipline. She is here to help you in raising your kids. Don’t expect her to be Mary Poppins or a child psychologist who can deal with any child-related issue. Understand the circumstances she in (far away from home, maybe missing her friends), talk to her, she has entire culture and habits and she is happy to tell you about it. At the same time make sure she is respecting the rules you all set out and you know that your children are safe with her.
4. Listen
For this given year au pair will know your child better than you. (if you are not prepared for this please don’t have au-pair, hire a nanny for few hours a day instead). She will spend majority of your child’r day and she will know what your child knows. Dob’t be ashamed to take her kind advice on board, she really is trying hard to be helpful.
Host-parents are the real parents and they know their children best, however if you see that something is not working (eg: nap time, certain food types etc) you can suggest a new solution to them. Don’t be offended if they don’t change anything. As parents they may have a reason to do things in a given way.
5. Enjoy
You are in a new country, enjoy and explore. Meet new people, go around, this really can be the best year of your life. You have house and food taken care of, you have pocket money the world is your oyster.
Let her do her own thing, but also include her in your traditions. She really is missing her family and friends (especially over holiday period), make sure she feels included and wanted. Respect her needs and talk to her, she may tell you something really cool about her own country and traditions.
Have you ever had an au-pair? Have you considered option like this?
Aga Schnier is a founder of ParentingClub2014, Mother and Law of Attraction Master Practitioner which she currently uses to promote positive parenting techniques.
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