Summer Plans

 

Each year just before my children finish school for the summer I take
some time to complete a little forward planning for the next school term.  My goal is to identify what I want them to take responsibility for in the coming academic year.

When they were little these included things such as

1)      Being able to put on their own shoes and tie their laces

2)      For my daughter to be able to do her own hair

3)      Make a sandwich

4)      Organise their clothes for sports

Then over the school holidays I would create a plan so that these skills had been mastered by the end of August.   I have always found it easier to put the time in over the summer so that they had the skills mastered by the end of the summer.

As they have gotten older the goals have changed and they have got more involved in agreeing them with me.

And so by the end of this summer my 17 year old will have learned to drive in both the city and on country roads.  My daughter who is 12 will learn to cook 5 main meals well.   My goal is that she can get the dinner prepared if I am running late once she is back at school.

My other big goal is for her to learn to figure out how long tasks take in advance so that she can begin the process of learning to plan how long things take.  So I will need to take time each breakfast to make her plan for the day and discuss with her how she is going to achieve her goals for the day.   Given her propensity to get distracted and end up playing the piano this will bring its challenges for me but I am determined that this will be a gentle process and the responsibility will be on me to keep it that way.

The other challenge that I will face in September is that both my children will need to be ready to leave at the same time which will impact on practicalities such as showers, breakfast, lunch making etc., so I need to plan how this will be achieved without rows so that ours days start calm and positive.

I am very aware that many parents have things that happen with their children that irritate and annoy them on a day to day basis.  I have heard parents say, hopefully things will be better next year, he’ll be older and he will be better able to do things.   My view on this is “not necessarily”.  If we want to change how long it takes to get ready in the mornings, or get our child to do things for themselves we can reap great rewards when we create a focused and relaxed plan to give our children the skills.   If we want them to talk to us more and tell us what is going on in their heads we need to give them the time to talk to us.  If we want them to take their heads out of the technologies we need to engage in activities with them.

School holidays gives us more time to make this happen.  so what do you plan to do with your children over the summer to make your next school year less stressful?  What skills do you want your children to master?

Mary Corbett is a founder of ParentingClub2014, Mum of 2, and Life and Business coachwww.marycorbettcoaching.com with a passionate belief in people

 

15 Minutes of Calm

The majority of parents are busy both inside and outside the home.   Many parents spend their time on a constant merry-go-round rushing here, there and yonder in a bid to meet the varying needs of their children.

Many of us as parents have made a very conscious decision to involve our children in various out of school activities in order to give them access to as many opportunities as possible.  However I will be the first to admit that I have often underestimated the commitment that is needed to facilitate attendance at matches, competitions, extra sessions, changes in training times etc.

And so I can often find myself behind the wheel of the car and feeling more like a taxi driver than anything else.  If however you suggested to me that maybe I should pull my children out of any of their activities my immediate response would be NO.

I am very clear of the value for my children of the activities.  I now use those drives when I have just one child in the car to provide them with the space to talk to me and let me know what is going on in their head.

What I have learned over the past 17 years however is that each day I must make at least 15 minutes of me time each day, time to sit still and breathe and just restore my sense of calm.  Taking some time out each day means that I am better able to hear what my children are saying to me, to deal with their issues and be a better and stronger parent.  When I get flustered I am not really there as a parent for my children so those 15 minutes of calm that are just for me are really, really important.

Now I know that there are many who will say that they cannot possibly get 15 minutes but I believe that if we make the decision to gift ourselves that 15 minutes we will find a way to make it happen.

So if you are struggling to find 15 minutes, why not look at some of the activities that you do each day on auto-pilot.  Are these behaviours actually necessary?  Do you spend time making lunches when the children are old enough to do this for themselves? Does every room have to be spotlessly cleaned, every day?

So what would the ideal part of the day for you to gain that 15 minutes of calm?  Take a 2 hour window and look at all the activities that you usually do during that 2 hours.  Focus on those task that you do automatically.  How long have you been doing them?  Are they actually necessary? Do you want to lose them? Offload them? Do them at a different time, or do them differently?

Taking time for you, to mind yourself and support your inner sense of self and calm matters.  It supports you to be the best parent that you can be.  Taking time for yourself is a generous gift for your children.

 

Mary Corbett is the co-founder of  Parenting Club,  professional coach and psychologist based in Cork, Ireland