Holding onto your positivity as a parent

Any of us who have ever taken a flight will be familiar with the safety message about oxygen masks

“Place the mask on your own face first before attending to your children”

As parents many of us struggle to fully acknowledge and address our own needs particularly when we have small children.   We are also aware that being positive is in some way a good thing but sometimes we need to be reminded that holding onto our positivity is a very valuable gift and one which we sometimes need to actively work at. When we feel positive we tend to have more energy and so we are better able to deal with the challenges that life brings.

Now, I know that when we are lacking sleep and children are constantly pushing the boundaries and add to this financial challenges and external work pressures it can be difficult to see the positive – to see a light at the end of the tunnel. However, it is important to remember that what we focus on expands.   In other words when we focus on the negative it just gets bigger and bigger and in this way it can start to overwhelm us.

Equally, however, if we focus on the positive it too will expand and will support us to be more active in taking control of our situation and deal with our issues. So how do you keep positive? There are lots of different strategies that you can use and it is important to find those that work for you.   Here are some that I have used and others that my clients have found useful.

1. Make a list of all the good things in your life right now – Are you in good health? Have you the support of a solid relationship? Have you savings to tide you over while you search for a new job? Can you use being out of work to change direction and re-train for a new career path?   Once you have the list completed, keep it close and when the negative thoughts start to take over your head take out your list and remind yourself of the good stuff.
2. Each morning before you get out of bed, plan some positive actions to do during the day. It may be as simple as de-cluttering a room so that you have comfortable space to relax, or going for a walk and really experiencing your surroundings. It may be to deliver a target at work or giving additional support to your partner. What is important is that you create a plan that will allow you to identify what will make the day, a good day.
3. Each night before you go to sleep, make a list of all the good things that you have done during the day. Did you help you children with their homework? Did you cook a really nice meal for your nearest and dearest? Did you do a good deed for a stranger, a neighbour, a friend? Acknowledge to yourself the contribution that you have made to enrich the lives of those who are closest to you, to those you work with, to friends and acquaintances.
4. If you find it difficult to switch off from the day, its pressures and negativities, this is one that a number of clients have found really useful: Take a sheet of paper and jot down the issues. Then put the sheet of paper in an envelope and put it in a drawer and put it away until the following day, the end of the weekend, a week away. In effect send a very ritualised message to your brain that you are putting these issues away and deciding to switch off from them for a while. (I have clients who swear by this)
5. Do a kindness for another person. When we do something for somebody else it makes us feel good.   Every time I have set a goal to do something for another without an expectation of getting anything back it has come back to me in spades – I personally know of nothing better to keep me feeling positive.

So you are where you are today – What are you going to do to expand your sense of positivity?

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Mary Corbett is a founder member of  Parenting Club,  author, life and business coach and mother of 2 busy children aged 12 and 17.