17 years ago as a first time mum, it took time for me to develop a routine with my new bundle of joy. I had read books, both general parenting books, and child psychology books. My mother and mother-in-law were generous in their recommendations of what I ‘should’ be doing. Added to this I had a very hungry baby who chose to feed every hour and a half. As you can imagine I quickly became very, very tired.
The one thing that really kept me going was the fact that my baby was thriving. He had a steady weight gain each week and but for the constant waking, he couldn’t have been better. However within 4 months my mood and well -being had plummeted and my doctor diagnosed post-natal depression and recommended anti-depressants and rest. A few months later I was again enjoying and embracing motherhood and able to decide for myself which of the recommendations from my mother that I would adopt.
The one that I really embraced and which I have held onto for the past 17 years has been my approach to sleep routines. Throughout my children’s childhood I have been very insistent about bed time. It did not matter if we were visiting their granny or not, or what was on TV bed time was bedtime and the wind-down process was the same each night not matter where I was.
Looking back was I a little over the top, and rigid in my approach very probably – well ok! yes I was!
However, the net effect was that for my childrens middle years (ages 4-10) I could always count on both of them being up in bed and sleeping before 9 pm.
The up side of these routines were a calm and peaceful approach to bedtime, my children knew that this was a boundary that was not flexible.
Equally importantly both of my children developed the habit of reading (from a book) before bedtime.
I avoided inappropriate TV as we had DVDs, reading, cuddles, and gentle games before bedtime
Both of my children learned that they both needed time at the end of the day to put the day to bed, to let go of all that had happened and be grateful for the good things that had happened during the day. Any final thoughts about things that had happened during the day usually surfaced during that final cuddle before lights out.
Both my children got plenty of sleep and their dad and I have avoided those tantrums that come with overtiredness.
The downside was that both my children up to the age of about 11 were early risers and up and ready for action by 7.00 am and weekends were no different. This has meant that we have as a family developed a very leisurely approach to breakfast and getting started in the mornings. Now as teenagers they still have a leisurely approach to waking up which is not always helpful on a school morning.
Looking back I am not certain who benefited most from my strictly implemented bedtime routines. For certain my children did benefit. In fact in all areas of their lives where there have had structure and routine they have thrived. Equally important knowing that we had calm quiet evenings certainly did no harm to my husband and myself. My routines worked for us as well as our children.
Mary Corbett is a founder member of Parenting Club, author, life and business coach and mother of 2 busy children aged 12 and 17.
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