I should get my child play sport but……..

Earlier this week I was with some business colleagues sharing lunch and the conversation turned to our children and their love of technology over sports and exercise.  The dilemma which one of the dads is currently facing has stayed with me and is what I would like to explore today.

Here is a summary of his challenge.  John is a busy business man who is out all day meeting clients and engaging with people all of the time.  As an adult he likes nothing better than to come home and zone out with his Xbox.

Now his 5 year old likes nothing better than to also sit at the Xbox and play games alongside his dad and also on his own.

John’s dilemma is that he has read the parenting books and surfed the internet and he knows that it would be really beneficial to have his son out playing sports and mixing with other children.  However the reality is that at the end of a busy work day getting back in the car to drive his child to training, to matches and the waiting around that is entails feels more like punishment than enjoyable bonding time with his son.  Plus the dad is not really that interested in sport.

One of the other parents pointed out that they got their son involved in beaver/cubs/scouts and found it brilliant for encouraging their son to be active, outdoors ad mixing with other children outside of school.  It also wasn’t football!  John quietly commented that he wasn’t sure if he wanted to be in the great outdoors without his technology himself.

So what to do?

My own experience with my son has taught me that our children can become passionate about a sport even if we as the parents do not have the same interest.  However from the very beginning I chose to speak very positively about the benefits of sport, occasionally twinged with regret for the opportunities that I did not have at his age.

I also found a way to make the commute manageable and fun.  As far as possible I use car drives for those one-to- one bonding chats and really hearing what is going on in my child’s head.  Equally importantly I have found ways to make those training sessions work for me, I have had client calls, read books and wrote during those hours in the car or the nearest coffee shop.    By making the time work for me I found that I became much more positive about it.

I have also learned that not all children are happy to do team sports, some do not like sport at all and we need to be very mindful of the potential damage that we will do if we force a sports agenda.  That is not to say that we leave them in front of the TV all the time but rather that we find a way to get sufficient activity into their lives so that they are learning healthy patterns.

I have also found that it helps to be very clear as the parent what my goal is at any stage for each of my children.  They have varied over the years and have included: being healthy, mixing well with other children, learning to deal with different adult relationships, developing their own interest outside of me as parent, learning how different patterns and behaviours affect how they feel.

John only has a dilemma because of his love for his son.  His son clearly adores his dad and wants to be like him and so of course he wants to play his Xbox too.

John’s mind-set around exercise and the language that he uses with his child matter. For any child in the 4-8 age bracket parents are the hero and their actions and words have a huge influence on the child.  We know as adults and parents that our children are more likely to follow our actions that our words.   We know too that if we like and are interested in the activities that they become involved in it will be reflected in our language and our attitude.

And finally, we as adults can choose our mind-set.  If we do not currently have an positive health and exercise attitude we can look at ourselves first before we try to teach our children.

 

Mary Corbett is the co-founder of  Parenting Club,  professional coach and psychologist based in Cork, Ireland