I always have been a big fan of ‘Desperate Housewives’. There is this one scene where Mary Alice explains Bree’s weekly routine. It got me thinking that we all live within daily/weekly routines. I realised that no matter what we do we fall into some sort of the routine. It doesn’t matter if you are a stay-at-home parent or professional parent, we have our daily routine regardless.
Routines are important as they show us what is coming next (even though we don’t like doing certain things). The predictability of the day is essential, that’s why as adults, if something unexpected happens, we panic, get nervous or frustrated. We understand life and how it works.
However how our children fit into this? Imagine you are a newborn. For 9 months you get used to floating in your Mom’s belly, used to all gurgling, blood pumping, gases etc, it’s warm and wet. Suddenly you are being taken out, it’s cold, bright and the sound are different. What you do? You cry, as this is all you can do. For 9 months as a baby you had routine, this routine was in sync with your Mom’s. Well when she rested you decided to do all the stretching, somersaults etc. Believe it or not that was your routine, when your Mom was eating, you also got food, you started to develop tastes and preferences. You were familiar with certain smells, sounds and voices. Now, you are in this new environment and nothing is the same. You need to eat differently, you are put into water (which is very comforting, however doesn’t last long). You think that the world you are in is big and scary.
Imagine if your child feels like that?! Now what can we do to help children to adapt? By creating routines. It is much easier that everyone thinks.
You have a newborn, the sleeping pattern are all over the place. Newborns do not distinguish between day and night. We can start by bathing the baby at the same time. Then we massage them, feed them, cuddles and off to bed. Believe it or not, my daughter had her routines set within 2 months. She had two proper naps during the day and in the evening we had the same routine, bath, massage, while I was nursing her my husband was reading stories and usually she fall asleep while nursing.
Remember that creating a routine maybe a lengthy process as each child is different and has different needs, my son never sleeps while nursing, he needs to be cuddled and rocked before bed. So do not give up, you will get there.
Once you master sleeping patterns everything else falls into place. A rested parent is a happy parent right? When your child has proper nap time automatically you create a feeding routine. A 6 month old baby should be either nursed on demand or have between 3-5 bottles a day, depending on his solids intake.
My both children (25 months and almost 10 months) have 5 meals a day. 3 big ones (breakfast, lunch, dinner) and 2 snacks. The little one is also nursed on demand, while my daughter has access to water throughout a day.
I must admit that both my children are clock children. They both know what is coming next. They know that after breakfast we have time to play, have playdates with friends or toddler groups, my daughter herself comes and ask for ‘am am’ when it’s time for her snack. The same goes for her nap time and bed time in the evenings.
Routines also make children feel safe and this is very important. I’ve noticed this with my daughter that when she knew what was coming it was much easier to handle her. She knows that after the snack she has a little time to play and we are off to bed for nap. The predictability makes their lives easier, they feel safe and secure, as they know what is coming.
My husband and I worked hard to create proper routines for our children (we even got there with our son who was colicky and creating any routine for him was a nightmare). Now we can enjoy a little time for us during the day when the kids have their nap/quiet time.
Tell us if you have routine and does it work for you.
Aga Schnier is a founder of ParentingClub2014, Mother and Law of Attraction Master Practitioner which she currently uses to promote positive parenting techniques.
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